You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
