please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
