I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
