I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
