I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
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I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
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just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.