I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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