i love accidental penises.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You don't make any sense
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