Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person