Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
