i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine