I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?