She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
