Your mouth is God's brothel.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
