Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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