I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
