I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
