I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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