i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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