it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...