Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?