I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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