i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.