Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
