from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
