I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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