my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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