what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
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Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
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I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
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