I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Be still, my beating vagina.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
