Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
