So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
