The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Maybe he injected his testicle?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
