i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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