She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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