I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Ambien. No doubt about it.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
