and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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