Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
