I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
