Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
