Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
