I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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