You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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