just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
