I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
