Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
