thus making me awesome and them whores
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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