hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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