Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You brought string cheese to the strip club
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
