i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
