in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
