You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
