Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
