I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
