I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
