dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
