It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
