The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
