Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
