Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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