I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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