2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
