woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
barbara walters just said penis...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
