I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
