Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
