Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
