After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
