i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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