I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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