When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize