Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize