He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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