i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
