so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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