they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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